


Mad, Sweet and Magical Surprises

by cjmoliere, GoldsJRZGirl



Series: Unexpected series [14]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Gen, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 05:12:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmoliere/pseuds/cjmoliere, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldsJRZGirl/pseuds/GoldsJRZGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Come and celebrate Rumple's birthday, dearies! As the mischievous sorcerer turns another year older, his family and friends team up to make this the wildest, sweetest, and sexiest birthday event ever in Storybrooke!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad, Sweet and Magical Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot is part of the upcoming Robert Carlyle birthday event on several writing groups we own and admin. The whole gang will be back in A World of the Unexpected in the summer. Also don't forget to check out the other one shots Unwrapped, Little Things, Birthday Surprises and The Birth of a Legend!

Back in their world Rumplestiltskin had a reputation for being a trickster, a reputation that was somewhat exaggerated when one actually thought about it and the proof was in the fine print of the contracts he handed out when he made his deals. Of course when a deal went sour, he was always the one to blame but he'd gotten used to that. Now that he was no longer the Dark One, he could sit back and relish the knowledge that he no longer had a reputation for being a notorious trickster. Those honors belonged to a group of his closest friends that he dubbed the "Mad Crew": Jefferson and Emma Hatter and Robin and Regina Hood. Every year for Christmas and on someone's birthday they could always count on that lot presenting some kind of crazy gift but they had to work very hard and get up early to impress the man once considered the master of trickery.

Over Christmas they'd gotten him one of the ugliest Christmas sweaters known to creation; that idea was born from the knowledge that his brother-in-law wore the worst looking ones until Rumple stepped in and gave him a makeover. Everyone in town had gotten a good laugh seeing Storybrooke's version of GQ magazine posing for a photograph wearing a sweater labeling him a fruitcake. He tried, oh how he tried to keep that picture out of the papers and off social media to no avail. He was dreading what madness they had in store for his birthday.

Trickery was far from his wife's mind in the days prior to her husband's special day. She was going to be giving him his best gift in a few months: three beautiful babies who would inherit the best of both of their parents and even a little magic from their father. She had her own surprise in store for her husband, one that he would never expect since it involved being in the one place she should have banned from for life: the kitchen.

Belle and kitchens had a hate relationship since she was a child. Her first foray into cooking was a disaster when she added a bit too much chili powder to potatoes, giving all the residents in her father's castle upset stomachs for the whole day.

Her second venture into cooking was what everyone referred to as the "Stove Incident". She'd just come to the castle as its caretaker and wanted to try her hand at cooking dinner though Rumple was considered the master chef both by the enchanted objects and his son. Rumple teased her mercilessly when she declared she was going to be cooking dinner that night, even suggesting they would have a fire to put out when she was done. Her pride stinging, she stormed off into the kitchen determined to show the sorcerer she could cook as good as he did…or better.

She didn't mean some of the awful things she said as he'd teased her that day; one of them included threatening to control him with his dagger and roasting him. Her father often told her she had the mouth of a sailor when she was in a snit but being in Rumple's castle and with him had tamed her a bit just as she'd tamed him. Still, that didn't stop the stove from flying off in fear that Belle would carry out her threats against his master and the entire kitchen. Even after it happened Rumple did make one final attempt to teach her how to cook….and that hadn't gone well either; the cooking part anyway. It was difficult to concentrate when her master looked incredibly handsome in his leather pants and she'd spilled some eggs on the floor that tripped him, making him crash right into her and in the chaos they'd shared their first kiss and a few sweet caresses. It was brief but a giant step forward in unlocking the chains around her master's heart.

The last time she tried her hand at cooking was over their first Christmas together as husband and wife and she DID almost burn the house down by having the oven up too high and her nose stuck in a book. That was the day when Rumple felt he had no other choice but to ban her from ever cooking again or she would burn the house down.

To make her surprise a success she needed help from the one person whose culinary skills equaled her husband's: her brother-in-law Archie. Needless to say, he and her sister were shocked when she told them what she wanted to do.

"I won't get distracted if you're teaching me," Belle said to Archie.

"No but I would…" Marie murmured, giving her husband a heated look. Belle scowled.

"Oh, get a room later you two!" she scolded. "Archie, please! I really want to do this."

"I think we'd better take out extra fire insurance just in case," Marie giggled.

"Oh, and how many times have you two almost burned your house down being distracted by each other to concentrate on cooking? Umm-hmmm…I thought so," Belle teased when the couple blushed.

"Don't worry Belle. We have three months and by that time you should be able to cook a simple meal or bake without a problem," Archie assured her.

The therapist set aside three hours on Saturday mornings to teach his sister-in-law the basics of cooking and baking and keeping it a secret from Rumple required cooperation amongst the members of her family. They put out the story that Belle was hosting a new book club for women only over at her sister's house while Rumple spent his time with Adriana and Bae. He never minded it at all nor did he suspect anything much to their relief.

Bae's gift for his father was going to be a new painting of their family at Belle Reve based on a recent photo they had taken. Adriana was sitting on her father's lap holding Rumplette and Major Rumple, Belle beside him, his hand resting on her belly and Bae on the other side while Major and Socks sat on the floor at their feet. The actual photograph was hanging above the fireplace at the Victorian; Bae was hoping his father would hang the portrait above the fireplace at Belle Reve.

"He will Bae," Belle assured him. "Your father's been saying for years that we need a new portrait of the family to liven the room up. We'll have to have another one done when the triplets are born but for now this is perfect."

"And Papa's favorite gifts are handmade ones," her son added with a smile.

"I'm gonna make him something happy to hang up in the shop 'cause he always gets frownies when some mean customers come in," Adriana piped up.

"Yes because he'd rather look at that than you sending Major Rumple over to toss them out on their ears…literally…again, Rumplette!" Bae teased.

Majors Rumple and Bae started laughing from the sofa.

The little girl crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a Look. "Well, I don't want Papa having frownies and that's the Happy Army's job."

"I about peed my pants when I was walking Andi home from school and saw Major Rumple making Prince Thomas do a headstand on Main Street!"

"He said Papa was a son of a…"

"Adriana Isabelle Gold….don't say it or you'll have an Ivory snack!" her mother threatened.

"Yeah well his daddy said worse an he's lucky I didn't have Major Bae give 'em a wedgie he wouldn't be able to pick out! Roland an Neal said I shoulda done it."

"I would've recorded it and put it on You Tube," Bae chuckled.

Belle shook her head. "Hopeless, the both of you."

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out you made his birthday cake, Mama." Bae said with a smile. "Have Sella and Uncle Archie finally given you the seal of approval?"

Belle beamed. "Yes. I made a cake for them last weekend and thankfully Gisella ate it this time. It took her long enough not to throw my other efforts out on the road!"

"Efforts that Papa would have found out about if not for little Rumplette here."

"He almost caught me getting rid a one when he came to pick me up last week," Adriana told them. "Then I had to lie real good when he asked why I was so tired."

"Well you won't have to clean up any more messes on the road sweetie," her mother assured her. "Your mama finally has the Hopper Seal of Approval."

"So what kinda cake are we gonna do?"

"A Golden Delights one of course. Bae, I'll need your help putting all the symbols on it but Adriana and I can handle the rest."

"You better bake it over at Uncle Archie's or Papa's gonna find out."

"He already thinks Archie is making the cake."

They couldn't wait to see the look on Rumple's face when he took his first bite and learned that his wife had at last conquered her kitchen demons.

Over on Mifflin Street another surprise was being planned and the chief architects were singing the praises of this world and its advanced technology as they were getting everything set up.

"You better make sure you turn that off before we see something we don't want to," Emma warned her husband. "I mean it Jeff. I'm not hauling your ass in on a Peeping Tom rap."

"Oh come on, Em. Do you really think he would actually do that stuff in the spa?"

Emma arched an eyebrow. "Think about that and get back to me, will you? How many odd places have we done that stuff in."

"Oh God! I don't…aww man! Em, did you really have to give me that mental picture!"

"You started it."

"Besides, isn't he a bit old to be doing that kind of thing in there?"

"You get a shot of him in that Speedo and I'll buy your drinks on date nights for a year," Robin wagered.

"And for your information Hatter, you're never too old to have a little fun," said Regina. "Right, honey?" She winked at her husband.

"A spa, the lake…..doesn't matter," Robin smirked.

"Damn! If I'm not that frisky at his age, I'm gonna need to invest in the blue pills!" Jeff complained.

"If you're not, it's your fault. I'm sure Emma has plenty of ways to inspire you, don't you Emma?" Regina inquired.

"Thank God my mother isn't hearing this. She'd flip her lid!"

"Ooookayyy…change of subject. How the hell are we gonna get this damn camera in the house?"

"Well, Belle was saying she wanted to liven up the spa a bit….and since we're going to Greece this summer I say we borrow a bit from their mythology and create ourselves a little Trojan horse," Regina suggested.

"The bitch is he'll be on his guard if he knows it's coming from us," Robin reminded her.

"Leave that to me," Emma grinned.

A few days later Rumple returned home to find a large crate sitting on the porch. "Major Rumple, Major Bae, can you come out and give me a hand with this please?"

The bears grew to full size at his command and stepped outside to lift the crate, carrying it into the living room and setting it down on the floor.

"Oh, they finally came!" Belle exclaimed when she entered the living room and noticed the crate.

"What did, dearie?"

"The pieces we needed for our new beach theme in the spa. You're going to love them, Rumple. I ordered them from a shop in Florida along with a fountain but that's on backorder."

"Well, let's see what's in here, shall we?"

He used a crowbar to pry the crate open, sifting through layers upon layers of packing peanuts until he brought out the parts for two large palm tree shaped lamps, their bases and shades having the look and feel of real palm trees.

"They just dropped it off without making you sign for it or anything?" Rumple frowned. "Will have to have a chat with the delivery service about that."

"Oh it doesn't matter! Let's put them together and see how they look in the spa!"

Once the lamps were assembled they asked Majors Rumple and Bae to carry them into the spa room for them, placing one of them beside the tub and another near the window. Both were astounded as soon as they turned them on and noticed that the shade's branches moved like they would in a light breeze along with accompanying ocean sound effects.

"It almost makes you feel like you're on a beach, doesn't it, darling?" Belle murmured and kissed him.

"Aye…and we will be this summer…"

"You are not wearing the Speedo on the beach Rumplestiltskin or I will have someone put Property of Belle on the back of it."

She reached behind him and pinched both his cheeks for emphasis. "Mine."

He giggled. "A wee bit possessive are we, mo chori?"

"Yes I am and you'd do well to remember it. Now….since this is our little beach….you may wear your Speedo as often as you like…" she purred. "Until I decide you no longer need it…"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "I cannot wait until the babies are born and we can do everything we used to…"

"Aye, I know. But when they're born, dearie, we might not have time . . .unless I freeze it for a bit," he joked, then he kissed her ardently.

"I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself..."

"I won't , sweetheart. I'm not quite without resources," he wriggled the ring he wore on his right hand that she had bought him long ago. In it he stored a portion of his magic so he would never be without some if needed.

She grinned. "Would ye mind indulging me a wee bit and doing a little dance for me in your Speedo like you did on Valentine's Day?' she asked imitating his country accent though hers didn't quite have the allure his did in her opinion.

"Papa can we go swim...uh oh!" their toddler gasped when she burst into the spa room in her bathing suit and holding her Belle towel.

Rumple flushed crimson. "Dearie can ye not knock next time?" He reluctantly drew away from his wife, thanking God that he hadn't been in his Speedo when she come upon them.

"Ummm...I did but...ummm...you were busy..."

Rumple covered his face with his hand. How much had she seen? Well, obviously she had seen them kissing! Thank goodness she hadn't heard what they were saying. "Err . . .umm . . . okay . . .let me test the water . . ."

Later, Belle mouthed to him.

After she's asleep, he sent to her.

She smiled and nodded.

"I want Rumplette to swim too. Can she, Papa?"

Rumple went and put his hand in the water to feel how warm it was. "Yes, but I need to put a spell on her so she doesna get wet." The doll he had made was a rag doll and would never stand up to such play otherwise.

"Okay. You coming in, Mama?"

"Of course, sweetie."

She smiled and nodded.

"Papa are you gonna wear that gold thingie that makes Mama wanna beat people with the broom or are you gonna wear your beast shorts?"

Rumple nearly passed out. "W-What?"

"Umm...I heard Mama telling you you're not allowed to wear the gold thingie or she's gonna put Property a Belle on your butt."

"Someone shoot me now!" he groaned. Oh dearie dearie dear, he thought. Now what? You can't put a forgetting spell on your own daughter, Rumplestiltskin! He shot a "help me" look at Belle.

The toddler smirked. "See I catch anybody lookin at Neal when we grow up an get married I'm gonna git em with my cane a doom!"

Belle's mouth dropped open.

Rumple started to get palpatations at the mere thought of his baby girl dating. "What d'ye mean, married? Ye're three!"

"A...Adriana...when did you decide you and Neal...?"

"Yeah but I like Neal. He's nice and cute so why can't I marry him?"

"I canna believe I'm havin' this discussion now," moaned her poor father. "I thought I had another dozen years or something."

"If you tell me I can't marry him I'm gonna elope like Unca Archie and Auntie Marie were gonna do!"

Rumple shook a finger at her. "Over my dead body ye are, missy! There's nowhere ye can go that I canna find ye!"

"Says you!" pouted his daughter.

"Hey, dinna sass me, young miss!" he warned.

She smirked. "Yep me and Neal and Sella an Roland are gonna havta elope cause you an Unca Archie think we're too young to get married."

"You are!" Belle cried.

"Oh my God! Archie and I are gonna check ourselves into the funny farm early!"

"Uh huh cause Sella said he flipped out when he found out she got a buncha cards from boys on Valentine's Day."

Belle groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"She's gettin' cards from boys? She's only eight! What is goin' on these days with kids?" Rumple cried. "Belle, we're homeschooling her! And t'other three!"

"Aww come on, Papa! I'm not gonna marry any other boy, just Neal and when we grow up."

Rumple sighed. "When ye grow up then an' no' before. Twenty-one at least. Understand?"

"Okay." She hugged him. "Can't wait till you see what we got you for your birthday."

"No telling, Adriana..." her mother warned.

He relaxed then. "I'll bet it's something I'll love verra much, imp," he tweaked her nose.

"Now go and swim before it's supper and you miss your chance because you're sleepy afterwards," he urged. Swimming would tire out his intrepid minx, assuring she'd sleep and not walk around seeing things she shouldn't.

Later on that night Belle waited in the tub for her husband to come out in one of her favorite outfits.

She had the Bose ready to play You Sexy Thing when he made his grand entrance reminding her a bit of The Full Monty. They'd watched it recently and one of these days she was going to make him strut his stuff to Hot Stuff and You Can Leave Your Hat On.

"Are you ready yet Rumple?" she called out.

Damn...he keeps me waiting on purpose...

"Coming, dearie." He walked into the spa with his maroon robe on, wearing the Speedo under it, twirling his cane.

Belle grabbed the remote and turned the Bose on. "Well my sexy beast," she murmured. "Let's see how much of a showman you can be..."

"As you wish, sweetheart." As the song began to play, he started to sing to her in his sexy as hell voice, "I believe in miracles . . ." Then he began to undo the tie on his robe, pulling it out and twirling it around.

"Ooooohhhh you tease..."

Smirking, he playful wrapped the tie about her waist and tugged her nearer. "See something ye like?"

"I like everything I see..."

"And ye're the only one who's ever gonna see me like this . . ." he promised.

"Oh yes...unless you DO want that little tattoo on this nice rump of yours..."

Grinning, he pinched her behind. "Do it an' I'll have ye get one with Mrs. Gold in a chipped cup."

She smirked. "Now I wouldn't mind that all..."

"Oh ye might when we're old and gray an' in the old folks home."

"You know what they say...fine wines improve with age..."

And her husband was the finest wine in all the realms and she would drink her fill until the end of her days and beyond.

Some still called her a fool for loving an older man but she no longer gave a damn and she was pleased that other men his age were learning that they could still turn a woman's head if they believed in themselves enough, for that was all it took.

He shrugged off one sleeve of his Armani silk robe, baring a shoulder and then twitched his hips seductively as he dragged off the other sleeve and purred, "And how do I look, dearie."

"Tasty..."

He growled playfully, striking a pose in his Speedo.

"Now come here my beast and show your beauty some loving..."

Rumple was only too happy to oblige and walked right in front of the new palm tree lamp to take his wife in his arms.

She fit to him like two halves of a whole and he found that making love to her now, even when she was pregnant, was just as good as the first time they had done so on their wedding night. He seduced her with his long fingered hands and mouth, bringing her to the cusp of ecstasy before gently shepherding her into the hot tub so he could relieve the pressure on his leg and indulge some more with the water to buoy him.

Belle followed as eager as he to touch him, letting her hands wander all over his slender muscular frame, for despite his small size, he was well defined and sexier than any man in their twenties.

"Make love to me now, you sexy thing!" she urged.

"Do we have a deal?" he teased laciviously.

"For all eternity I'm yours," she pledged and wrapped herself about him with a hungry kiss.

Let other women have their young trophy men who would leave them lonely when the next pretty thing came along. Rumple was the only man for her because she never had to fear he wouldn't be there in the morning.

In a few months they would travel to an island paradise but she had one of her own in her spinner sorcerer and it was perfect for her.

"...Oh god turn it off...TURN IT OFF!"

Jeff sat at his laptop in the basement covering his eyes. Emma shook her head and exited the video program.

"You shoulda turned it off before this you jackass!"

"Did we get it?" Robin was asking.

Regina grabbed the laptop and played back the video they shot, nodding. "Now we just need to do some editing and it'll be ready."

Everyone was gathered in the dining room at the Victorian on Rumple's birthday. Belle, Bae and Adriana decided they were going to let the Mad Crew present their gifts last. Like Rumple they were wondering what the Mad Crew had in store for him.

Archie stood up first, setting a large box in the center of the table. "We went out to get this after Becky complained yours was too many years out of date," he joked.

"Oh I can only imagine it has to do with the computer in my shop," Rumple chuckled. "She always complains that it is so old that it could have come over on the Mayflower."

Rumple opened the box that contained a Dell All In One computer system along with a laser printer and scanner. Rumple glanced over at the Scorpion who was their circle's technology expert and chuckled. "Does this merit your approval, dearie?"

"Who do you think picked it out?"

Kat and Bobby's gift was a set of Italian cookbooks she ordered online. He smiled at the young chef knowing that she would want to cook one of those dishes with him during one of the group's Sunday dinners. Ewan and Becky's gift was a Nook tablet though they knew he wouldn't read his books on it. Like his wife, he was still partial to having the physical copies of his reading material.

Snow and David's gift was a second Chippendale curio cabinet that Rumple could use to store more of the antiques he was now purchasing in online auctions and he had the perfect spot for it in his office.

Bae carried the portrait into the dining room wrapped in gold paper. Tears came to his father's eyes when he unwrapped it. Though they displayed it in different ways, there was no doubt in his mind that his eldest son had inherited his artistic ability.

"It's perfect Bae, just perfect..." he murmured and hugged his son. "And I have the perfect spot for it, right above the fireplace at the castle. Now I know why ye were stayin up so late for the past three months."

"It was worth it, Papa."

"My turn!" Adriana cried. "Major Rumple! Front n' center!"

The Happy Army bear came into the dining room with a package tucked under his arm that he handed to the sorcerer. He then stood at attention while Rumple unwrapped it.

Inside the box was a picture the toddler drew herself featuring the entire family including Happy Army Bears and three infants: one boy two girls. They were all standing in a field under a rainbow with a smiling sun looking down on them and a message she'd written herself saying: Look At Us Every Day and Make Your Frownies Go Away!

"You can hang it up in your shop when the mean customers give you frownies," she said.

"And I know the perfect place for it, mo astor," he said softly and kissed her cheek. "Thank ye, sweetheart."

"Adriana, do you know what babies your mommy is having?" Regina asked curiously.

"Uh huh. Dunno how I do but I just do. I'm gonna have a brother and two sisters."

The adults looked at each other.

"She's a healer mage...I shouldn't have been surprised," Rumple murmured.

"So what are we gonna have, Driana?" inquired Jonny.

She smiled. "You're gonna have a brother an sister too Jonny."

"Cool! Now I don't havta lasso the stork to a tree!"

"Now it's my turn," Belle said nervously and motioned for Major Belle to go into the kitchen to fetch the Golden Delights cake.

"Rumple...there is something I've been wanting to do for years...but every time I've tried it hasn't gone according to plan...but...I think this time I finally got it right..."

"Oh?"

"Happy Birthday!" Major Belle exclaimed and set the cake box down in front of him. He lifted the lid and inside was a large chocolate sheet cake with peanut butter icing with several symbols carefully drawn on it in brown glaze. One of them was a rose, another a chipped cup, a flame, a spinning wheel and a smiley face.

"My Golden Delights cake!" he cried in delight, cutting off a slice and taking a bite. Belle was on pins and needles watching him, worried that he wouldn't like it.

"Sweetheart, you did wonderful job with the symbols." he praised.

"She did more than that Rumple...she made the whole thing herself," Archie announced.

"W...What?" he gasped.

"Come on Archie. You're pulling our legs!" Emma insisted.

"Oh we figured it would be hard to believe but I have the video to prove it!" Marie declared and handed Rumple her cell phone.

Rumple beamed with pride as he watched his wife in his brother-in-law's kitchen preparing her own little labor of love for him without any of the mishaps she had in the past including a stove flying out the window or burning the house down. As she was putting the cake in the oven she faced the camera with a smile.

"You always tell me the best gifts are ones made with love and this is my labor of love for you. Happy Birthday darling."

"This is one of the best gifts you could have given me mo chori!" He took her into his arms and kissed her. "So this is what you've been doing on Saturday afternoons, is it?"

She nodded.

"Yeah an I was tired a lot cause I had to make all the stuff Sella threw out on the road vanish before you saw it," Adriana explained.

"I am so proud of you," Rumple said to his wife. Then he smiled at his brother-in-law. "And she had the best teacher."

"At least one she wouldn't be too busy staring at," Marie teased.

He cut off another slice.

"Hey, you gonna save some of that for the rest of us?" Robin demanded.

"I'll think about it," he mumbled and took another bite.

He ate three slices of the cake before Belle had to plead with him to share it with the rest of the group.

He giggled. "Well now that I know you can bake, I'll be wanting a lot of sweets from you, dearie."

"Oh I think that can be arranged."

"Get a room!" Snow coughed.

"Ohh he's not going anywhere yet," Jeff said and stood up. "Our turn...Henry, could you take the kids into the other room please."

He laughed.

Rumple rolled his eyes. "Something tells me I am going to dread this..."

"Dum dummm dummm….." Bae sang

Jeff set a small box wrapped in Sponge Bob wrapping paper in front of him. Rumple glanced down at it and shook his head. When he opened it there was a DVD inside with Rockin With Rumple written on the label.

"What in the hell did you lot do now…?" he muttered and put it in the player. He and Belle nearly passed out when they saw the spa room come on the screen. "Ye sneaky rats. Where did ye hide the camera?"

"In one of the lamps."

"Oh my GOD!" Belle moaned, fearing they'd recorded a lot more than just the décor and to her horror she was right when she saw Rumple coming into the room in his robe. As he started taking it off they could hear music playing only it wasn't the music they had on the stereo that night.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts…"

The song changed when he used his robe tie to bring Belle closer to him.

"If you want my body and ya think I'm sexy

Come on sugar let me know…"

Bae was laughing so hard he fell out of his chair.

"Shake shake shake

Shake shake shake

Shake your booty!"

Now the entire table was laughing, including the stars of the show as they watched Rumple shaking his hips, David having to have his wife smack him on the back when his wine went down the wrong pipe.

Now Rumple was striking a pose in his Speedo.

"Macho macho man

I'm gonna be a macho man…"

"You…guys are killing me over here…" Archie laughed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

The scene changed and Emma and Regina were standing in front of a TV screen where Rumple was posing in his Speedo dressed in cheerleader uniforms.

"Heyy Rumple you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind

Hey Rumple! Hey Rumple!" they sang.

"This is our best gag ever!" Robin exclaimed.

Now the women were dressed like teenagers posing in front of another picture, this one with Rumple's backside.

"Oh my Gawd! Regina, look at his butt!"

"It's sooo…..nice…baby got back…" Regina purred.

"Think about it and you get the broom to your backsides," Belle threatened.

The next clip was a scene with Rumple walking around in the Speedo then it cut to a shot of Jeff standing outside in his backyard with Robin. Jeff was dressed like a reporter.

"Hello, everybody, this is your action news reporter with all the news that is news across the nation, on the scene at the supermarket. There seems to have been some disturbance here. Pardon me, sir, did you see what happened?" he was asking Robin.

"Yeah, I did. I's standin' overe there by the tomaters, and here he come, running through the pole beans, through the fruits and vegetables, nekkid as a jay bird. And I hollered over t' Regina an I said, "Don't look, Regina!" But it's too late, she'd already been incensed." Robin answered.

"Here he comes, look at that, look at that

There he goes, look at that, look at that

And he ain't wearin' no clothes

Oh, yes, they call him the Streak…" Emma and Regina sang.

Next was a shot of Rumple and Belle kissing and someone had written Sweeter Than Chocolate and Hotter Than Hell on them with You Sexy Thing playing in the background.

I'm not arguing with that, Belle thought.

The final shot was of Rumple's backside with the words Property of Belle written on it.

"Now I definitely agree with that!" she hooted.

"Charming, honey, now I know what I want for MY birthday!" Snow exclaimed. David's eyes rolled back into his head and he sank to the floor.

Marie glanced over at her own husband, her lips curved into a devious smile. "Shall I tell them about that little incident on my last birthday to Chicago's Stay The Night?"

"No! Absolutely not!" Archie cried, his face red as a beet.

Rumple wiped tears from his own eyes. "Ye lot are lucky I like ye or I woulda sued the underwear off ye for plantin that camera in my house," he chuckled.

"Aunt Marie! TMI!" Bae giggled.

"Oh get your head out of the gutter!" Marie scolded. "He didn't do what Rumple did..."

"Marie, " Archie groaned.

The Mad Crew members looked at each other and smirked.

"Don't you even think about planting a camera in my house or you're going to have a few new holes in your bodies courtesy of my umbrella!"

"So Rumple, admit it...we got you good, didn't we?" Robin demanded.

"Aye you did, dearie. But remember . . .the best revenge is getting even!" he giggled wickedly. "Now get that camera out of my spa room!"

The next morning the camera was removed but Rumple was in for another shock when his Facebook page started getting flooded with messages from women, some of them rather racy. At first he couldn't figure out why until one of them sent him a message with a link to his video on YouTube.

"Papa, you've got over 2 million likes!" Bae exclaimed. "You've gone viral!"

"What does that mean?" Belle asked.

"It means he's started a new trend . . .and people love it," her son replied. "Not bad for an old guy!"

"I'd say that's pretty damned good," Belle murmured.

"Old?" Rumple choked. He glared at his offspring. "Do I need to teach you manners again with this, Baelfire?" he threatened shaking his cane.

Bae held up his hands. "Hey, Papa, old is good! The Pyramids are old, the Coliseum, the Acropolis, and so's T-Rex! So you're in good company."

"You are digging yourself in deeper Bae," Belle mumbled.

"Smartass!" his father growled. "I shoulda beat ye more often!"

Belle burst out laughing. "He's YOUR son all right, Rumple! A chip off the old teacup."

"You're lucky I love you, Bae," Rumple sighed.

"Always, Papa," Bae smiled. Then he said, "Check out your new ring tone." He pushed a button on his phone and Rumple's phone rang to tune of "Sharp Dressed Man."

Belle sauntered up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Just remember that even though all those women like you...you're still all mine..."

He tilted his head up. "Forever, dearie."

In a way she was grateful to their friends for their little prank. Now Rumple could no longer doubt he could still be sexy at his age and would give other men confidence that they could be too.

He'd come a long way from the man she first met, the sorcerer who hid in the shadows, believing no one other than his son could ever love him.

Every day he was learning just how much he was loved by his family and friends and now it seemed that the world was learning who he was and had accepted him because he'd brought his own brand of magic to them without even trying to.

Now he saw the truth-and that was the best birthday present of all-to love and be loved.


End file.
